I’m going for something a little different tonight. Instead of a straight espresso, I’m having affogato, a shot of espresso poured over a small scoop of ice cream. Cassie made some egg nog ice cream this past weekend, so it made a perfect base for this. Kind of like an egg nog “latte,” only homemade and more awesome.

Where were we…?

Mike’s freaked out about his girlfriend becoming one of the guys.

It’s actually nice to see MTV rally with their “Restore the shore” telethon to raise money. The shore is screwed because of Sandy, so every little bit will help.

Ron and Danny are working in the store and all of a sudden they walk out with hats on sideways, imitating Snooki and Deena taking their random “Meatball days.” It was kind of funny.

Mike calls his sister about how he’s freaked out about Paula, and she instructs him to tell Paula that he liked who she was before they made it official. It sounds like he’ll do whatever his sister says anyway, but it puts him on the track to finally say something to Paula.

In the middle of Ron and Danny’s meathead day, it starts raining and the power goes out. It’s actually a pretty insane storm, at least it is the way they edited it. Deena acts like she’s going to run home. It turns out it’s just rain, and everything is fine. I’m going to call that one “too soon,” MTV.

MVP go out to a bar/arcade, and the guys try to hook Mike up with these two girls by telling them he’s single; mind you, he’s said nothing to Paula yet. When he does, his plan is to tell her, “it’s not you, it’s me.” I’m going to say that is 100% true. The crew asks if they can be there for the breakup.

They’re sitting around at dinner at a crummy looking place, and they all congratulate Mike on 100 days being sober. He thanks them and toasts with some lemonade in a silly lemonade cup with a sippy straw.

Vinny talks about how Snooki is not participating in anything with him because she is trying to repress everything in the past pertaining to him. I think I phrased that correctly. Dude, she’s like 8 months pregnant here. She probably just doesn’t want to be around bullcrap.

Back at the house, Sam asks Snooki if Mike or Vinny are invited to the wedding. Snooki responds maybe Vinny if he talks to Gianni but definitely not Mike.

Snooki goes to the house one morning to pick up Jen and Pauly. They have to work, but Snooki is really tired. She calls a doctor because she has a sharp pain in her side. She doesn’t get through to the doctor and this “plot line” just falls. Ohh well. Jen and she leave and sit down at a restaurant and talk. Snooki tells her that she can’t talk to anyone in the house but her because they’re not pregnant. Jen urges her to get Vinny to talk to Gianni. Also, Snooki is apparently waiting for Mike to talk to her. I thought he tried that already…

Jen goes home and proposes the idea of making baby clothes for Snooki’s kid at the t-shirt shop. Jen wants to throw a “Shore Shower,” and everyone is cool with that. Jen tells Vinny that she wants him to go, but he has to talk to Gianni first. He doesn’t want to because he doesn’t care if Gianni doesn’t like him. What a toughguy. He’s not buying it anyway; he wants to hear this from Snooki before he talks to that little wimp, Gianni.

Ok. There was a commercial for Just Dance 4 for Wii featuring J-Woww…ohh my God. What a terrible commercial. The song is “Call Me Maybe,” and they show J-Woww doing nothing but pumping her fist into the air. And, at the end, there are other jobbers dancing with J-Woww and this girl, and I think Roger is one of them; everyone is blurred out, though. How strange?!

Jen explains the shower idea to Sam and Deena. They start planning the party and call themselves, “team kooka.” Yuck. Then they have a debate over the spelling of the word “hors d’oeuvres.” (Yeah, why does it have so many letters?)

Jen calls Gianni and tells him about the party and then threatens to cut him if he says something. Why did you call and tell him if you didn’t think you could trust him?

Deena and Sam go out for stuff for the party; there’s a 70% off closing sale at the place where they go. The place is jam packed, though. It looks like a dollar store for baby clothes.

Paula calls Mike, and she calls him out for wanting to break up with her because she heard it from some girls she works with at the tanning salon who said that Mike has been going around telling people he wasn’t happy. He explains that he didn’t tell anyone that, but he has been going around saying that she hasn’t been the same. She starts crying and wants him to stop by the tanning salon during her shift to talk. He gets pissed when he realizes she’s crying. This girl keeps digging it deeper and deeper.

Ron is at the t-shirt shop with Vinny, Jen, and Danny, and he talks about how Gianni looks weak for not showing up at the house like all of the other significant others. He does. What a wimp.

Snooki starts walking around the boardwalk dragging a penguin balloon on a leash and talking to it. One thing you can count on in every episode is a scene that looks 100% staged that makes no sense whatsoever. Not that any of this makes sense, but the staged scenes really don’t make any sense.

Pauly calls Vinny in the t-shirt shop and tells him to make a tank top that says “Lets make it unofficial.” Ron wants to make one that says, “Gym, Tanning, Break up with Paula.”

Mike tells Sam and Deena about what happened with Paula, and Deena thinks he wanted Paula to find out because he’s been blabbing about how unhappy he was all over the shore. The guys get home and give him the tank top. He loves it, but he won’t wear it because he thinks that’s screwed up. He claims “Gym, Tanning, Break up with your significant other” as his own catchphrase.

Mike brings the whole house down to the tanning salon. Mike tans first. Vinny and Pauly sit back on the couch and wait for the show to start while sucking on Dum Dums. Mike actually talks to her and mentions things are moving too quickly for him. He wants to go back to the way things were. She’s cool with it, and Vinny and Pauly want their money back because this movie sucks. I agree. Good thing I didn’t pay for this.

On the way home in the car, they celebrate the MVP is back!

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Episode rating – 1.5/5 (With under a handful of episodes left, I don’t see this season picking up at all. What a dud!)

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