The ole Starbucks Frappuccino routine…

I’ve decreased my Starbucks intake dramatically in the last 4 years. That isn’t to say I don’t occasionally get the urge for a Frappuccino here and there, especially since it’s been summer lately.

Have you been to the Starbucks near the intersection between 155 and 20 in Guilderland?

No?

Good, because it’s easily the worst Starbucks ever, even factoring in rest area Starbuckses.

So about a month ago, I stopped in early in the morning for a drink. When I say early, I’m going to guess approximately 7:50 am on a Friday. It’s only a 0.25 mile detour from my route to work.

When I entered, I was the only customer at the counter. The line of cars for drive thru business was going around the building, though. So I bellied up to the counter and asked the woman at the counter if she could explain what the “Caramel Ribbon Crunch” was in the Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino, a drink I was unfamiliar with.

She responded, “well, there’s ice, and then there’s a coffee flavored syrup they pump over the ice, and then it gets blended.”

So I was all like, “ok, well what’s the caramel, ribbon, and crunch?”

And she was like a deer in the headlights.

She started pecking away at the point of sale system, and proceeded to get nervous. Apparently there was no info there for her.

The whole time, I was being super patient, and the barista, who had probably 5 drinks in progress ahead of me stopped what he were doing to ask, “I’m sorry, sir, what was the question?”

So the nervous woman asked the question to the barista, and he very enthusiastically sold me on the drink. There’s like 4 different types of caramel that goes into the drink. There’s caramel in the Frappuccino, then there’s a caramel and mocha drizzle (aka ribbon), caramel whipped cream, and toffee bits (crunch).

And it was pretty good. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re hyperactive like me, but it’s pretty delicious if you can exhibit some self control when you have a little sugar.

Another day, I went for a shaken iced tea midday. There wasn’t anyone else there, and the guys behind the counter were being a little casual. I guess a client at the drive thru also ordered a shaken iced tea, so the guy taking orders dared the barista, “I bet you can’t shake both of them at the same time like a real bartender.”

I watched the barista try right in front of my face, and then both tumblers tumbled to the ground. I had to LOL a little.

This past Wednesday, I was ready for another Frappuccino. There was a new menu item, a “Cafe Espresso Frappuccino.” At the counter was the same woman from the first time, and no I didn’t learn a lesson from that first encounter. So I asked, “what’s special about the Cafe Espresso Frappuccino?”

Her response: “Well, there’s ice, and then there’s a coffee fl-”

I cut it off at that point and used my pleading voice to say, “No, I know what a Frappuccino is, what’s unique to the Cafe Espresso version; is there actual espresso in it?”

Based on the price, I knew the answer to that question. It’s less money than all of the other stuff on the menu, so it couldn’t have real coffee in it. My suspicion was that it’s a new name for a basic Frappuccino. The barista, who had heard the panic in my voice, noted it was just a basic frappuccino with espresso flavored whipped cream.

So what I learned about this place is that one of the cashiers has a routine they run through when someone asks them about the Frappuccino drinks on the menu. I really can’t fault her, though. People probably grow tired of my material just the same.

Don’t change Starbucks Frappucinno comedian cashier!!