“Christmas Music is for Children”

Yesterday, I applauded Kristi for listing her five worst Christmas songs because I honestly felt like each of her five choices was in total opposition to the public opinion. In fact, I took it one step further, and said that all Christmas music is for children.

In fact, the only reason why I ever listen to Christmas music during the holiday season is to parody it. For years and years of working in my father’s deli during the holidays, we’d start early in the morning, like 7am, and sometimes go until 1 or 2 am the next day, preparing for the masses who are either looking for fresh food or who forgot that they had to eat on the holidays. Under such conditions, listening to 74 minutes of the same songs over and over led to severe boredom; and what does derryX do to overcome boredom? That’s right, I make fun of songs.

Yesterday, I tweeted one of my favorites, from “Walking in a Winter Wonderland.” And you have to remember, there’s no reason for where the rhymes are in the original versions of the songs anyway…

Here goes…

Dashing through the snow, with derry’s Uncle Joe, over the hills we go, every f*ckin’ day.

Mind you, I have one for just about every Christmas song out there. Sometimes, I just substitute one word, like in Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer,

Rudolph the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, you would even say it blows.

And I like the Charlie Brown Christmas special for it’s nostalgia value, but that song with the people singing in high pitch is just awful. I don’t know what it’s called and I don’t want to know what it’s called.

I don’t want people to get confused. I love Christmas and love the holidays, I just think the music “we all love” for the holidays is overrated and juvenile.

You have never lived until you have heard me singing my versions of Christmas Carols. I’m thinking of actually doing it live over Skype on January 23 some time in the afternoon. Anybody gonna sign on? I’ll seriously do it if there’s enough interest…


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