Jersey Shore – Season 6 Episodes 3 + 4 Recraps

Looks like I’m in for another 2 hour session of this crap. I got my espresso sitting right here.

Nicole moves out of the house into a house that looks exactly the same as the usual house. I bet every house for 30 miles looks like that.

Mike calls his sister and tells her that he’s going to get a shot that blocks prescription drugs and narcotics. He seems like he’s pissed that he has to get this painful shot and blames his sister for not trusting him. This sounds like the Ludovico Technique, if you ask me…

Deena calls her BF and plots out the night. Dinner and cuddles. She’s really excited about this.

Mike enters the house walking like an idiot. He apparently got a shot in his butt. Vinny goes to check on him and says he “feels like he’s going to rehab with Mike.” These two guys get Sam and go work in the t-shirt shop. They’re encouraged to drive away business talk to customers. Then the boss gets bad that Mike is talking to customers. I don’t get this show sometimes. Mike gets into more trouble with Danny, and Mike explains the shot up his butt. Danny makes fun of him a little and Mike walks out. He goes home and goes right to bed, then Vinny, worried that Mike’s going to break sobriety, follows him home. The store looks dead anyway.

Deena and her boy jump into a cab and wind up at a place for dinner. They have big gobblets of white wine. Deena tells him he’s her best friend, and he affirms, “BFF.” These are adults, mind you. They get back in a cab and walk in with doggie bags the size of half deep catering trays. Then they play beer pong against Ron and Sam. They have a whole setup for it; it would be pretty sweet looking if you were a 19 year old frat boy.

Mike’s girlfriend, Paula, arrives. Jen calls Mike out for being serious with the girl. He doesn’t want to commit because he doesn’t want to be taken off of the market. Neither did thalidomide. Jen pushes for them to go official on facebook. Paula is nice and says she respects Mike’s space on that stuff.

The next morning, after Deena, Sam, and Ron go to “work,” Mike calls Paula a cab just like any other grenade. Deena complains about being sick, and Sam says she’s love sick. Deena goes into the bathroom and pukes, and Sam immediately thinks Deena’s pregnant too. Deena thinks she has toxic shock syndrome. When I was a kid, I learned about things like diseases on television shows like Different Strokes. At least kids nowadays have an analogue. Deena reads some literature on TSS, and thinks she has it because vomiting is a symptom. Doesn’t it take like days to get TSS? Never mind. Don’t answer that.

Deena calls her mom and complains about being sick. Deena starts melting down. She’s afraid. I don’t understand what the deal is. She’s making money to basically slouch around in a house and be on TV. Ok, the guy can’t be there constantly, but isn’t it just a few weeks? Sam takes Deena, and they go outside. Sam outright tells her she looks miserable. Sam decides to offer to be a meatball. I didn’t make up that wording, folks. Ron comes out pissed that Sam isn’t ready to go to dinner. Haha. What a guy! He’s legit pissed at Sam for talking to Deena, too!

Vinny and Pauly go over to Snooki’s place to see if she wants to go to dinner. Gianni is on his way there, so she declines. She plays with her boobs a bunch in front of them. Gianni shows up and stocks the fridge with a whole bunch of junk. They go to dinner at a place called “steaks unlimited.”

Ron and Sam are at dinner, and Sam tries to explain the gravity of Deena’s situation. Ron thinks Deena is infatuated in an extremely unhealthy way.

By the way, this movie, Sinister, with Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon) being scared looks absolutely ridiculous.

Gianni and Snooki are walking down the street, and Snooki breaks the news that her nipples are growing. Gianni is packing on the pregnancy pounds too.

Most of the kids go to an arcade called Captain Hook’s. They do karaoke. Vinny sings falsetto. Deena sings by continually saying “merp.” Jen puts Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab” in for Mike. That’s real nice; nice friends to make fun of the guy in rehab and a girl who’s dead. He’s a good sport about it, at least. I would have dunked the microphone into someone’s beer. In the overdubs, he talks about how he was happy people were finally cheering him on. Then they play the rest of Amy Winehouse’s version while he hugs the cast.


Next hour.

[deep breath]

Jen talks about putting together an event for Roger’s birthday at a place called Jimbo’s. I don’t think I would last ten minutes at the Jersey Shore because I’d be too busy laughing at the names of places.

Vinny talks about how he’s not going to approach Gianni because he thinks the only thing he can say to him is, “I f*cked your girl.” Vinny stands his ground too, and Gianni avoids Vinny like the plague. Gianni was on his way to Miami for a UFC fight. I guarantee it wasn’t his fight. Snooki acts all jealous like Gianni would really do anything.

The guys are hanging out on the roof, and a girl outside on the street starts showing off her boobs to them. Hahaha. It’s gotta be nice to be “famous.” The guys go inside and explain what happened and the girls are all grossed out. I kind of am too. There are certain faces girls shouldn’t make when they show off their boobs; this girl made all of them. They go out to meet Morgan, who Vinny admits is gross, and she gives them digits and basically tells Vinny and Pauly that she’ll have sex with them both. Then she shows off the goods right in their faces, and she finds even more dumb faces to make.

Everyone is sitting around, and Vinny makes a confession. He’s celibate because he met someone before going to the house. Who cares?

Jen is actually surprising Roger with a birthday party. Roger is an hour late for the party, and Jen is sweating bullets. There are balloons all over this restaurant. They bring a cake out before Roger gets there. Roger’s excuse for not being on time is that he was asleep. Jen is pissed at him, and he makes fun of her making a big deal out of it. He blows out the candles, and Jen is still visibly upset. He gets pissed that she’s still pissed and then decides to sit with some random dude in the restaurant and make a big scene. How silly. They make up and all is nice. Aww.

Deena and Snooki dance like they used to. Everyone joins in. Everyone rides a mechanical bull. I gotta try one one day. Snooki skips this exercise.

At the t-shirt shop, Snooki tells Mike she doesn’t want to be friends with him. He gets mad and walks out of the shop. This guy needs some new moves. Snooki tells Jen how proud she is that she set him straight.

Roger sends Jen a bunch of flowers at the shop. He also sends Ron one red rose. AWKWEEEEERDDDD!!!

Deena and Danny go out together to play games on the boardwalk. They also ride the rides. They also do shots. The house guys show up and the party gets crazy! Everyone keeps hanging out on the boardwalk, and, after it gets dark, Deena wins a big blue ball that has a diameter the size of her whole body.

Vinny and Pauly hang out on Snooki’s porch. They “kick it” there. Well they’re only kicking it there until they go to Bamboo (a club). Some massive musclehead uses brute force to get this big blue ball into the house. It keeps getting stuck on the door.

The kids and some jobbers go to this Bamboo place. It looks just as lame as Karma. Some dude goes up to Mike and asks if he remembers him. Mike doesn’t remember him, but the guy wants to hug him anyway. The guy is a total creeper and keeps trying to hang out with Mike. Some jobber shoos the guy away, and the guy approaches the jobber and challenges him. The jobber shoves the guy across the club through about five people into a bouncer. <commercial> The kids talk about how the guy that got shoved was a dirtbag.

All of a sudden, a fight breaks out, and it’s all over the place. Everyone is under control, but Ron and Roger are MIA. Roger gets spotted in an altercation with someone, and Jen tries to break it up and somehow ends up on the ground.

<Episode ends>


(Double) Episode rating – 3.5/5 (The last 3 minutes bumped that up from a 1.5.)


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