derryX takes over Jersey Shore Season 4 – Ep 1

Snooki gets her picture taken for her passport. THEY’RE GOING TO ITALY!!!

Pauly D also gets his taken. Deena too. And Mike. Their photo shoots look like magazine shoots. Whenever I go to the post office to get my picture taken at the post office, it’s nothing like that. I have to stand on a line of tape, not pose with teddy bears and chairs.

Mike lays it down; if Snooki really lost weight, he’d hit it. We’ll see.

JWoww clearly got some plastic surgery in her face. From ugly to uglier.

Ronnie vows there will be no Sam and Ron drama. Sam makes similar empty promises.

They get on the planes. First class all the way. MTV money!

The guys connect in Madrid. The girls connect in Germany. Who’s gonna get there first???

The girls land in Milan. They have to take a bus to Florence carrying ridiculous luggage carts.

The guys land in Florence and get off the plane like they’re royalty.

The apartment looks incredible. Italy doesn’t joke around. Also, there is a bidet.

Room situation: Mike/Ron, Vinny/Pauly, and they never say what the configuration for the girls is. But it looks like each room holds 2, so it’s either Snooki/Jen and Deena/Sammi, Snooki/Deena and Jen/Sammi, or Snooki/Sammi and Jen/Deena. Yay, logic.

LEMONCELLO SHOTS! Yup, bitter and sour, just like I thought.

Deena has to give Pauly a lesson on electricity and converting to Europe because he keeps burning out hairdryers. All of a sudden, he keeps yelling, “THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!” over and over. I like this guy.

Mike finds out Snooki was single, and he seems bummed. I guess she did lose weight.

There’s a big buildup to Snooki driving a car in Italy. Let’s see where this is going.

Aside: The Stacker 6 Hour Energy Shot commercials with Deena and Sammi are really stupid, in case you didn’t know.

The girls got lost and went back home. They’re talking about what to do, and the pigeons in their patio scare the living hell out of them.

The guys go to a gym and train with an old dude named Luigi. He’s intense.

Snooki is doing sick workouts at home. She has a problem; it’s called obsession. Really bad.

Mike sits down with Ronnie and tells him that he and Snooki hooked up, while she had the boyfriend. Ronnie tries to talk him out of it.

They’re going to the club. Vinny calls the cab and talks Italian. He’s not bad. I’m probably just as bad. They try to translate “CABS R HEA!” “TAXI SONO QUI” Good enough, I guess.

The club is no joke, either. The bartender is throwing flames around, people are dancing like crazy, there’s lasers. No joke.

Mike tries to pick up a girl. No English. Vinny had to help. Sad. Mike gives up and lays it on Snooki. Pretty thick, too.

Deena trys to lay it on Pauly.They kiss like in a porno.

Episode ends and the season preview plays. DRAMA! Looks like Ronnie lays Mike out. God I hope so.

It’s gonna be a crazy season!

Episode Rating – 3.5/5