Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 4 Recrap

I’m going at this with no espresso this time. Lets see.

Danny, the t-shirt store owner, enters the house and informs them that the deal is that there is 8 people in the house at all time, and that he’s looking for 2 new people to fill Vinny and Mike’s spots, since they’ve apparently gone AWOL.

Mike comes back like nothing ever happened. Now, he reveals that he needs to isolate himself on his birthday. Nevermind that everyone in the house did everything they could to isolate him. That’s some real “Bret screwed Bret” logic there.

The kids are in the t-shirt shop working their asses off. I guess the threat of new roommates is hitting home for them. They go home and call Vinny and give him the guilt trip. He’s completely evasive about coming back.

Snooki is trying to learn how to “walk hard.” You know, like with that limp. Never gonna happen.

The girls go to Karma to arrange a surprise party for Pauly (and Mike). They meet with a guy who solicits strippers. Snooki outright asks if he bangs the girls. They get done with planning this important party detail and put decorations all over the place.

Jen shows up to work alone, and Danny flips out that the guys aren’t there. He puts up help wanted signs all over the store. A bunch of young girls inquire about the job. In a fit of rage, Jen rips the signs off the wall. Danny puts an even bigger sign up. The kids band together and basically make a pact that they will be mean to anyone who enters the house.

Deena and Snooki go to the party store for balloons and play with bunny costumes. They act like furries.

The kids go to Karma. “Karma’s a bitch.” They’re greeted by a bunch of idiots silly stringing them. The whole world seems to be there. Well, except Vinny. The girls show up and jump out of cakes. The guys love it. The stripper dancing with Mike has him mesmerized. He actually takes her home. She looks great, but, eww.

Mike gives the girl a bunch of socks because she doesn’t want to walk on their disgusting floor. It looks like they get it in.

Deena and Ronnie try calling Vinny, and it goes right to voicemail. Ronnie cries like a little wimp. That’s right; this guy:

The girl Mike was with is having trouble walking out of the house. Wow. Gross. He calls her a cab and slams the door on her.

Deena calls Ronnie’s friend because it’s gonna be “couples night.” This kid sounds totally out of it, both in life and in his interest in Deena.

Snooki apparently bought a bunny costume and is putting it on. Snooki scares Jen with it. The goal is to scare Ron while he’s sleeping. That’s right. This guy:

Gianni arrives for “couples night,” he and Snooki sneak in a quick smoosh room session. Actually, it wasn’t so quick at all because I don’t think they made it out after.

Everyone else goes to the club, and it’s packed. They showed a few girls rolling around on the ground. It’s Sam. Some girl started shit with her, and they were dragging each other around. The bouncers literally need to man-handle these girls to get them separated. Sam looks like a mess because her weave is torn apart.

Everyone gets home. Deena gets it in with this weird dude.

Snooki is on her bed telling people she’s having a heart attack. Actually, this little stunt was just a commercial. I can’t believe that just made it to TV.

Mike is telling Snooki about this girl Paula he’s been seeing. The conversation goes nowhere.

Pauly comes up with the genius idea of gathering the group and driving to Staten Island to get Vinny. They stop at the t-shirt shop and make shirts with Vinny’s catchphrases on them. They drive down, and bum rush the house. Nobody answers the door.

Ohh wait, someone answers the door and they all run in like a bunch of wild pigs. Ohh editing.

Vinny is inside, and he’s happy to see them. Vinny shows them his new tattoo. It is cursive “Let Go-Let God” over his pecs. He looks like a hardened prisoner now; a wimpy, Italian, hardened prisoner. They drag Vinny away from his sanctuary, and the episode is over.

Episode Rating – 3/5