Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 2 Recrap

Espresso – done.

Feed on MTV HD in SD letterboxed – done.

They pick up where they left off last time, with Vinny proclaiming that he can’t function. “I got nothing left to give.” I don’t think this kid contributes anything to society if he’s not on this show, if you can even call that contributing to society. Sad to say it.

Mike is at a club and is messing around with this girl, Paula, who he hooked up with in the first season. She’s dancing like a 30 cent skank, and he takes her home. As they’re running home, the sky opens up and it rains like a motherf*cka.

Nicole goes to Mike to ask if Gianni can borrow a shirt because his was wet. Mike says, “we share girls; why not share clothes?” This guy’s a riot. In a gesture of gratitude, Gianni cooks mike a late night egg and bacon snack. But, Snooki sees the writing on the wall and runs off, because she knows Gianni will follow her. Mike’s a good dude, so he finishes the cooking and brings Gianni an egg and bacon sandwich.

The next morning, the guys, Mike, Pauly, and Ronnie go GTL; Sam and Jen go to work at the t-shirt shop. Vinny was supposed to go with them, but he was busy being a wimp. Snooki is also home calling Gianni. (I don’t understand where he went; he was just there.)

Vinny finally shows up at the t-shirt shop. He heat screens a t-shirt and declares, “STILL GOT IT!” Yea, it’s that tough to pull a lever.

The t-shirt boss and Vinny go for a chat. Vinny tells him he has “clinical anxiety” since he was 16. He explains the details, and I still don’t get it. Neither does this guy; he looks at him like he has 15 heads. Good.

The guys all go out for manicures and pedicures. I’m not against that at all, but, for the love of God, don’t call it “Mani/Pedi’s.” It’s funny that they make everyone in the place think they’ve never gotten it done.

Back at home, Pauly is dealing with some serious sunburn. “I burnt my whole face off.” It looks horrible, and like it hurts.

They make plans to go out. THEY’RE GOING TO KARMA!!! Snooki looks ridiculous. Snooki is wearing underwear that say “Gianni” (sic). God forbid she shows people her ass like she did in Italy; Gianni is going to flip. Deena says she doesn’t think she’s gonna drink, and Snooki gives her the nastiest look ever. Then Deena says, “just kidding.” Big surprise!

Some dude, Damien, who Deena used to hook up with is there, and Deena pulls this guy aside and treats him like a salt lick.

Snooki is hammered, and Gianni is stuck dealing with her. She tells him she’s gonna cook him chicken cutlets. Gianni is getting fed up and drags her home.

Vinny’s anxiety kicks in and everyone decides to leave. Mike is pissed he doesn’t have a girl, but, a miracle, on the way out, he finds Paula and drags her home.

So much sects happens in the house at this point.

Pauly calls a cab for the ho he brought home at 4am, and they tell him it’s at least an hour wait. She can’t find her shoes, but he kicks her out anyway. U oh…Pauly is missing a diamond chain. Everyone thinks the ho took it. They show footage of the ho stuffing it down her pants. It looks expensive! She comes back wearing nothing except a tank top and bikini, ohh and the chain. They look for her shoes. He says, “she lost her dignity, her self respect…what does she need shoes for?” That’s awesome! At least he got his chain back.

Vinny has another anxiety fit. Ron hangs out with him playing some games on the boardwalk, including a game where they have to throw balls at statues of themselves.

Snooki tries to level with Vinny, but she seems to be understanding. Same with Ron. They both try to explain the vague consequences of leaving. This sounds like LOST where you can’t leave the island.

They all get ready to go out again. Deena sprays herself with something about 300 times. If that’s body spray, that’s a lot of body spray’ if that’s perfume, that’s a shit ton of perfume. Vinny isn’t going out, and people are worried. Pauly stays home.

Vinny calls his sister and tells her to pick him up. He has no fight left. Pauly tries to talk him down, but then Vinny says he’s gonna get a cab to Staten Island. Sounds like an expensive ride.

Everyone else is partying away at the club.

Vinny gets in the cab and heads home. Man, are those other kids gonna come home to a surprise! or not.

Pauly is all depressed. Fin.

Episode rating – 2/5