Xprotege didn’t see Jersey Shore 3 Episode 12, derryX did…

This is the second week that I have to fill in. I’m really upset over this. First, on a freak trip to the Albany Times Union headquarters to pick up a prize I won I saw him walking out. No idea what that was. Then, he went AWOL when I went away for a week and lapsed on these reviews. Kriskaten picked up the pieces then. And he hasn’t resurfaced since other than to aggravate me on twitter and skype. Ohh well…here we go…

Sam and Ron are fighting. Awesome. Sam concedes that she was wrong for calling Arvin. Meanwhile Deena is trying to fit herself into a box. Sam is all apologetic and sounds stupid.

Deena, Snooki, and Sam go to work. Danny reminds them the job/vacation is almost over. He calls Deena “the worst employee of 2010.”  – one of the many “the worst of” titles Deena gets this year.

Snooki and Vinny go out for burgers. Vinny says he’ll treat. Aww. Vinny says he could get serious with Snooki which raises the question of whether he could get serious at all.

Vinny gets his ear pierced “like a G” (his words, not mine). That thought stops here.

They go to Karma, and Pauly admits there are a lot of clubs in Seaside, yet his stalker keeps finding him.

Sam and Ron stay home, drink wine, and eat ketchup. Then they jump into the bed in the smush room and do the damn thang.

Ohh shit! The rest of the crew go to Aztec, a different bar. There are all old people that Vinny calls “leftovers.” V is on a roll tonight. Pauly encounters his first “Atomic Bomb.”

One of the girls one of the guys bring home walks in to the house and say it smells like bandaids. ok. A DTF girl’s brother shows up and Mike lets him right in. This guy wants to take the girls home either tonight or tomorrow. Pauly and Vinny dismiss their grenades. Vinny literally throws them all out and then drags Snooki around like a caveman. She gets fucking pissed!

Vinny is as drunk as I want to be right now – WHOOOOOOOOO ST PADDRICK’S DAY!!! – and Snooki doesn’t want him to keep coming to her when he’s beligerant,

Vinny starts freestyle rapping and makes fun of Sam. Pauly gets so fuckin excited, like a ridiculous amount, when Vinny takes a huge stab at Sam. You have to watch it for yourself because I forgot.

Mike, Pauly, and Jen go to work the next day, and Mike is literally sleeping on the job. Mike gets “fired.” Whatever.

Ronnie’s mom calls the house and talks to Deena. It is the biggest gibberish conversation I’ve ever heard. Ohh, she’s drunk. The phone gets passed to Jen and then Mike. HAHAHAH Mike tells Ron’s mom about Arvin.

She calls again, and Ron gets the phone. Sam finds out that Mike told Ron’s mom about Arvin. She is ridiculously pissed. Ron hangs up on his mother. Ron wanted to know what Arvin and Sam were saying to each other. Mike convinces Ron that Sam is really wrong. How’d we end up right back at this?

Sam confronts Mike. Sam accuses Mike of being a schemer. What does Mike have to gain here? Sam looks like shit and keeps calling Mike a crock of shit. Mike threatens to call Arvin. Pauly brings up a good point: how did Ron never hear about Arvin if he’s such a good friend to Sam? I love that name, Arvin. Have I said that?

Wait, wait. Mike actually calls Arvin. He gets Arvin to say they’ve made out, and Ron gets on the phone with Arvin and gets him to repeat it. Ron storms out and the episode ends…

Arvin

The episode kind of sucked, but Mike was mad cool. GANGSTA – 3/5 stars