Xprotege didn’t see Jersey Shore 3 Episode 11, derryX did…

I have to write this because my protege is officially AWOL. Between this, missing last week’s review while I was away, and posting that thing about the phone, I’m not happy at all.

Anyway…

This episode is titled “GTF – Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting” – I wonder what’s gonna happen…

We start with Vinny and Pauly to Staten Island (Looks familiar to me). Everyone but Mike leaves the house, and Mike plays with the dogs, with the dumb carvings in his head. He feeds them peanut butter and Fluff. Isn’t that bad?

The party at Vinny’s house is ridiculous – every Guido food I can think of, including Sorpresata and fuckin sharp provolone. The editing makes it look like they eat and run. Awesome. The rest of the cast gets home at Seaside; they discover that there’s dog shit and piss all over the place thanks to Situation not cleaning up after the dogs.

They all go out to Karma, which looks like the lamest club in the world. Ron starts making out with Sam, and here we go…

But first…

Vinny accompanies some of the others to the tanning salon for the first time. He gets talked into doing a spray tan, which, having actually been in tanning beds before, I can say is the worst looking tan you can get. and HAHAHA he used the word “MINT!”

On the way home, Jenni spots Roger on the road. He does the dip to avoid her, leading to speculation that he has a girl in the car. When they get home, Jenni calls Roger, leaves a dumb message, and Vinny and Pauly do the greatest handshake ever invented. I can’t even explain this.

Sam, Snooki, and Deena start throwing water balloons at the guys. The guys fight back. I want to throw a water balloon in Ronnie’s face. In the middle of everything, Roger calls back and explains himself. Jenni was ridiculous, and he calls her out on it.

…and we’re back. Ron and Sam sit down and talk. They seem to be in agreement that they’ve both changed. They take a step toward getting back together, which means they are getting back together. They go to some aquarium place where they get to play with penguins.

They all go to Karma…again…

Mike sees his buddy Arvin who looks like “a jacked-up Guido MacGuyver” (Mike’s words, not mine); he looks like a dick to me. Arvin says he got texted by Sammi, and he even shows The Situation who decides to make a situation out of it. The whole crew minus Ron and Sam convene and find out that Arvin only went to Karma that night to meet Sam. The girls warn Sam that they know about this Arvin business because they’re afraid of Ron’s reaction. Ron finds out in front of Sam and he forces her to get Arvin to show him. It doesn’t happen.

Sam starts shit with The Situation who keeps telling her that she got caught. BUSTED!!!!

The guys get home first, and Vinny celebrates that they didn’t bring home grenades by throwing up his hands and saying “NO GRENADES!!” Ron immediately storms upstairs. From Vinny’s and Pauly’s conversation, it sounds like Sam has been seeing this Arvin guy for a while. Sam and Mike get into an argument where they basically keep calling each other “shady” for five minutes. Then Ron calls Sam “a shady person.” Ron gets in Sam’s face, and keeps asking her why she’d ask Arvin to meet her at Karma that night.

The name Arvin is hilarious.

Quote of the night (during the last minute): “Girls don’t have friends who are guys.” -Vinny [wise words]

It was an alright episode, I guess. Episode Rating – 3.5/5 Stars