Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 9 Recrap

I’m thirsty.

Snooki and Vinny get home and talk about going out together on a “date.” Everyone is having fun with it except us.

Deena’s dude calls and cancels on the night out at Jenks. It looks like everyone in the house is going to Jenks, well everyone except Jen and Nicole and Ron and Sam.

At Jenks, they’re all hanging out, and, out of nowhere, Angelina is there! I’m pissed. I want her back. Take Deena! Anyway, they all take cabs home and bring girls back. The girl Mike brought back isn’t DTF. Mike just leaves her in his bed. Pauly’s girl is DTF but she goes right home because she has this .

The next morning, Mike sends the girl he cuddled with all night home and orders breakfast for everyone. He has no cash to tip the delivery guy once the food gets there. The guy stands there for 20 minutes while Mike asks everyone in the house for cash. Mike ends up giving the kid a packet of protein powder. Hahaha. The kid looks mortified.

Jen realizes it’s her 1 year anniversary, so she takes Sam and Deena and goes shopping at a sex shop. During the car ride, the girls try to convince Deena that the dude she’s with is sketchy. Deena gets pissed and tries to get it to stop. Then they stop to pick up Deena’s extensions.

Mike, Ron, and Snooki show up to work. Mike is selling stuff like a madman. Say what you will, but these kids can draw a crowd among their kind.

Pauly and Vinny go walking on the boardwalk, and find a pool hall. They put together a plot to ruin Jen’s night with Roger in the smoosh room. Ruin in a fun way. Their plan is to take the bed out of the Smoosh room so people use their own bed for sex. It’s the best day of their life.

Mike talks to The Unit on the phone, and they confirm that the Snooki-Mike story is going to come out that night. O snap!

Sam catches the guys moving the smoosh bed. Actually, you don’t even recognize Sam because she has no makeup on. Jen discovers the missing bed, and approaches the people responsible. They all have a laugh. See, this is fun! She’s going to get them back good. She moves the bed back and covers the bed in rose petals, bondage equipment, and oral sex candy. Everyone inspects the stuff and is grossed out and scared by all the stuff.

They’re all getting ready to go out. Jen is wearing a shirt that isn’t even a shirt. Ron even comments that she can’t wear that shirt out. Roger gets there and sees all of the stuff she bought. He’s pumped. He picks something up and says, “ohh yeah; we talked about this.” Gross.

Vinny gets ready and is wearing a shirt that is part flannel and part denim. It looks horrible, and everyone makes fun of him, as they should. They’re all sitting around while they wait to go out. You can tell that even they’re getting sick of this.

Commercial aside: Is it me, or does that 21 Jump Street movie with Jonah Hill not capture any of what 21 Jump Street actually was? (not that I even liked the original, anyway.)

So they’re all out at Karma, and The Unit is there. Deena is hanging out with the dude she likes. She tells him that everyone thinks he’s just trying to get it in. Why would you do this? Snooki spots The Unit and she doesn’t want anything to do with him. She’s actually hanging out with Gianni’s whole family (no joke), so this is actually the perfect opportunity for Mike’s plan.

Vinny and Pauly are trying to dodge all of the grenades at Karma. Everyone starts to leave, so Mike puts the plan into high gear. Mike and the Unit go say hi to Gianni. Snooki and Gianni split faster than you ever saw. Mike and the Unit plan to meet them at home.

Vinny and Pauly go home after a night of successfully dodging all of the grenades. Deena keeps approaching her dude about his motives, and he’s getting really annoyed by her. She’s following him around, and decides at some point to just give up. Everyone who hasn’t already gone is now walking home. The unit is falling all over himself. It’s pretty hilarious. It’s so bad that the cops stop them and arrest The unit.

Commercial aside: they show an extended spot for Pauly D’s new show. If I watch more than 1 episode of this, I’m not writing about it. In fact, after I finish the writeup for the season 5 finale for Jersey Shore in 2 weeks, I am officially done writing Jersey Shore writeups altogether.

Mike goes home and calls his buddy Mikey to tell him about The Unit. Ronnie comes out and tells Mike to go to bed because they’re not letting The Unit out. Everyone goes to bed.

The next day, Mike gets a moment alone with Gianni. Gianni is looking for water, and Mike hooks him up with a bottle. Mike asks to talk to him for a moment and takes him outside. They end the episode on the teaser of Mike telling Gianni something.

Episode rating – 2.5/5