Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 7 Recrap

I just had some diet wild cherry Pepsi over ice, and it was fantastic!

The episode starts with Roger telling Jen off. He tells her that he doesn’t want to pay for her past and that he loves her. They decide to put it past them, and they make up…after telling each other that their “ass is bleeding.”

They flashback to Deena and Snooki sneaking out of work from last week. The guys think they’re in deep shit over it, so the girls decide to make a cake for Danny to apologize. It’s going to be a cake with meatball love. They set a timer but forget to put the cake in the oven. They frost it while it’s hot, and the whole top gets shredded. Then they just keep loading frosting and writing on top until it looks ok. At the end, it doesn’t look horrible.

Deena gets up and a piece of the cake is missing. Ronnie thinks it’s Pauly. Deena thinks it’s Mike. They bring it to Danny anyway.

Snooki calls a doctor and schedules an appointment for her UTI. What’s it been 3 weeks on the show now? You’d think someone would take care of this, you know, right away. While she’s filling out the questionaire, Jen tries to convince her to check off “rectal bleeding.” What is with this girl and that tonight?

Mike goes to the shore store and gets the girls in trouble for not being there. Danny calls the house and tries to find the girls. They finally show up, and he’s fine because she has a doctor’s note. Her punishment is to do a bunch of menial work, or what looks like normal work at this store. Things like moving boxes, cleaning windows. General maintenance.

Mike denies eating the cake to the girls, but admits to it on the candids. His excuse is that he’s on a diet. Then, out of nowhere, Pauly admits to Deena that he ate the cake. WHOA! Deena apologizes to Mike for blaming him. Mike says that the mean Mike is about to come out, and that they’re not gonna like it.

They all go out to Karma. Snooki’s not supposed to drink because of her UTI. She drank so much that her UTI was drunk, so everybody wins.

It’s Mike’s girl, Paula’s, birthday, so she thinks she is getting some. Who cares?

Pauly and Vinny go tanning, and Pauly makes fun of Vinny being his bitch.

A bunch of them go out to Jenks. Not Snooki, but Ronnie hands her a drink before he leaves. Ron is actually on fire at the club. He’s truly wasted. Snooki and Mike are hanging out on the roof with the bunny mask. Snooki wants to go out; Mike wants to get freaky with her. Let’s see who wins…

Looks like neither.

Deena’s at the club hanging out with a guy she’s hooked up with before. Ronnie rounds everyone up, and they head back to the house, Deena’s dude included. Pauly has it covered. He put all of the dirty blenders, plates, bowls, and anything else he can find on her bed. At first she doesn’t notice, then she gets pissed. Then Jen and Snooki start busting on the dude Deena brought home. They get him to say he forgot a condom. Pauly hooks the kid up. Always practice safe sex, kids.

Snooki barges in on Deena hooking up with this guy. Do people even do this in college? Oh right, yes they do.

The next morning, Deena calls the guy a cab, and he goes on his merry way. Deena is complaining about her back hurting and thinks the dude banged her back out of alignment. (That’s not mine; I wish it was.)

Mike gets on the phone and calls the Unit to plot out how they’re going to tell Gianni that Snooki hooked up with him.

Jen dresses like a stripper for Roger. It’s not even like a stripper. You basically can see everything. Roger comes to the house dressed like a pro-wrestling referee, black and white striped shirt included. Yo, what if Roger was a wrestling referee?

Ohh he loves the outfit. Who doesn’t?

The cabs pick everyone up, and it’s Karma again. Don’t they get sick of this?

People are fighting all over the place. It’s actually pretty disturbing. Jen wants a shirt just in case she has to fight. Roger tells her not to fight, and that he’ll do the punching. So what happens next? Naturally, a creep tries to pull Jen’s dress down, and Roger gets into what looks like a minor altercation with the guy. Then the episode ends.

Episode rating – 2/5. This season sucks.