Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 6 Recrap

I just had an iced latte.

Mike calls The Unit and they talk about how Deena’s sister hooked up with Mike’s brother. Who cares?

Snooki tries to hang out with Mike, but he acts all tired and uninterested. Everyone else goes out to Aztec. Vinny calls it a sweat box and says that it feels “like being in Italy minus the armpit hair.” Jen is still upset over Roger, so she just goes straight home after being miserable. Vinny is mac-ing it to this girl Deanna (a sure thing), then turns his attention to a different girl, Nikki, who is hot as hell. Snooki walks home piss ass drunk in these furry black boots.

Apparently, regarding this Nikki girl, Vinny thinks he’s converting a lesbian to the “straight team.” While they’re all going home, Deena is entertaining the Deanna girl, just in case Nikki falls through for Vinny. What a pal!

Jenni calls Roger and gives him a bad attitude. He returns the favor, and they hang up with each other on a bad note. She decides she’s done with him in a drunken stupor.

Snooki admits to needing an AA meeting in the candid. She is seriously a mess. She’s about to vomit. Wait. Wait. Nope. She didn’t. She went to bed with a broom. Yes, she went to bed spooning a broom.

Roger calls the house, and Jen is fed up with it. She gives him a guilt trip over cancelling plans, and he turns it right around. She rants on about all of the things he did wrong. Then she hangs up on him.

Pauly, Deena, and Snooki show up to work at the t-shirt shop. Deena and Snooki start running around the store like a bunch of idiots. People are lined up like crazy to buy this craptastic apparel. The girls run to a bar. Danny runs after them and finds them. They hide under tables. Or at least they try, and he drags them back to the store.

Meanwhile, Pauly has a stalker that keeps visiting him at the store, wearing the same clothes every day.

A bachelorette asks Snooki where the best place to get a drink is, so Snooki and Deena naturally accompany her for a drink. Jen catches up with them, and they all party.

Pauly and Vinny are walking the boardwalk, and Pauly’s stalker is following him.

Mike wakes up from a 3 day nap and realizes everyone ditched him. He said the bad guy is about to come out.

The girls get home and try to bring Mike out. Jen plops down in her bed and cries over Roger. Snooki, Deena, and Mike do their going out rituals, and then they go out.

Pauly and Vinny are playing pool, and Vinny has a girl who is into him. Pauly messes with him by trying to embarrass him, and Vinny says he can get him back easily, and points to the same stalker girl from the t-shirt shop. Vinny then calls that girl over and makes Pauly talk to the grenade. Pauly does the best grenade dodge you’ll ever see on Jersey Shore: he goes to the bathroom.

Mind you, Ron and Sam are barely scenery right now.

Pauly tells Deena that Danny is pissed, and she thinks she’s going to lose her job. She calls him to apologize, he accepts it but says he might have to do what he has to do.

Ron and Snooki put together some game called “Bag Toss.” It’s bean bags that you have to throw in a hole. It is easily the lamest game I ever saw. It’s even lamer than this stupid kids’ game.

Sunday dinner is happening. Chinese food, and a lot of it. Mike and Deena talk about how Mike’s brother and Deena’s sister are an item, and how the two of them might become family.

Mike calls the Unit again to get the low down on Mike’s brother’s relationship. The Unit seems to indicate that it’s a “smash + dash” situation.

Deena’s sister calls the house, and Mike picks up. His face goes stone cold, and it goes to commercial.

OHHHH SHIT!!! (I’m sorry, but, to me, this whole subplot seems extremely boring and has zero drama potential, so I don’t understand where it could be going.)

Mike tries to get to the bottom of the relationship. She tells him they are talking a lot, and he tells her that his brother’s guard is up, and to not give up. I don’t know what’s going on with this show any more.

Pauly and Vinny see Roger at the gym, and Roger seems pissed. He doesn’t like how Jen talks to him. He’s absolutely right.

They go home and report what Roger said. They tell Jen that Roger said he doesn’t want to be spoken to like a kid. She’s inspired to call him. She apologizes for the previous phone call. He immediately retaliates. She’s groveling. He doesn’t want any part of it. He lays it out and tells her she’s too insecure to be with him. Then the ultimatum, “what’s it gonna be?” and episode done.

Episode rating – 2.5/5