Jersey Shore – Season 5 Episode 11 Recrap

Here it is. The season finale. This is my opportunity to turn the frozen donkey wheel and get off of the island.

Anyway…

The kids get back from their camping trip and Vinny and Pauly are sitting in a kiddie pool inside of the house as the others walk in. Snooki has no idea what’s going on. Her bed is gone, and so is the furniture. Everyone is confused. Pauly says that Mike is even dumber looking than he normally looks. Funny.

Everybody laughs over this, but Mike reacts badly; he doesn’t like his stuff moved around. He is acting like a total punk. Since all their belongings are outside and it’s about to rain, Mike, rather than go out and save his stuff, just sits there, cries and waits for someone to move his stuff. He cries…He…cries…

When it starts to rain, he just goes upstairs and stands over his stuff and tells Pauly that all his stuff is already ruined. He threatens that he’s going home (side note but not really: aren’t they going home soon anyway?). Pauly finally gives in and offers to help Mike bring his stuff in.

Mike’s brother and Deena’s sister call the house and Deena picks up. It looks like they’re all hanging out that night. Everyone is excited about this. Deena pops the boobs out so far that I thought my TV was 3D for a second. Vinny meets a couple of ex lesbians. Well, they’re lesbians, and they’re exes. They’re not ex-ehh nevermind.

Deena’s sister shows up and she looks nothing like her. They immediately tell her that Mike has been talking shit about her.

Vinny is making an actual go at the two lesbians. They all go home, and he actually gets them to agree to come with. Vinny needs the smoosh room for this, and Ronnie denies him. Ronnie thinks he’s doing Vinny a favor because one of these girls “looks like Matthew McConaughey.” Vinny finally gets in the smoosh room, and it looks like he managed to do his thing.

Deena approaches Mike about talking shit about her sister. He denies it. I mean, I understand what he’s saying under the beeps, but it’s not worth even repeating here. Who cares?

The next morning, everyone is talking Vinny up about the experience with the lesbians. He’s gloating over the experience.

All of a sudden, there’s a ton of thunder, lightning and rain. Deena freaks out, and they make fun of her.

They all go to Karma in the storm, and it’s out of control. The dancing looks totally spastic. More than usual. Mike’s brother shows up…with Deena’s sister. Mike’s brother looks like a more mutated Mike. It’s horrible. But anyhow, Deena starts up with Mike, and they decide to squash it after 3 minutes of back and forth banter.

The next day, Sam shows Deena a water balloon launching apparatus she bought to get the guys back for the indoor-outdoor prank.

They have a final dinner, and they toast to Ron and Sam not fighting. And then they toast to doing this again next summer…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Commercial for Trojan Vibrations. Okaaaaay…

The girls start launching water balloons from the deck. Ronnie figures out how to lock them outside. Ron then goes and fills up balloons that look like grenades, and the girls start climbing up the house, like onto the roof. Then the guys start winging these balloons at the girls. Ron dumps a 5 gallon bucket of water onto the girls. They finally call a truce.

The next morning, Pauly wakes everyone up by holding a beeping smoke alarm in their faces.

Everyone is packing up to go home. Taxis arrive to ship these kids home. Ron and Sam leave first. Roger shows up to drag Jen away. Mike leaves next; no big deal. Vinny’s mother picks him up. Aww. When he walks out, he runs back in and hugs Pauly. They hug for a minute and scream like a bunch of idiots. Deena is next to go. Pauly’s buddy “Big Jerry” drops in to pick Pauly up. He has too many bags to fit in this big bastard’s car. Snooki is stuck waiting for her ride. So she drinks. Looks like vodka and cranberry juice. Papa Snooks arrives to take her away.

That’s it. It’s over. The show and the reviews. End of an era.

Episode rating – 2/5

What a shitty season…What a shitty show!