derryX takes over Jersey Shore Season 4 – Ep 5

Here it comes…the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Well, at least the moment I’ve been waiting for:

The Ronnie/Mike altercation.

Mike hit his hands and head into the wall. Ohh my God. He knocked himself out.

He gets up, eggs Ron on. They rumble for a second. And the production crew gets in and breaks it up.

Ron is literally on a roid rampage.

Jen is begging Sam to get away. She is making it worse. Both shes.

Snooki begs Mike to go to a hospital. An ambulance comes to get Mike. They carry him out on a stretcher with his neck protected. Jen thinks that he’s about to die. Clarification: he was fully conscious and elected to go to the hospital again.

Everyone wants Sam away from Ron. Jen pleads with her again. Side note: everyone should stay away from Ron in the state he is in.

Ronnie – “I can’t believe I let myself get so angry” … and that, kids, is a roid rampage.

Pauly escorts Mike to the hospital.

Ok. I gotta stop here for a minute. I know things get edited a lot for the teasers and stuff. But, in this case, it looked like Ron literally assaulted Mike and put him in the hospital, not Mike hit his head on a wall and went to the hospital. Man, am I disappointed right now. Not that I really wanted to see someone on a roid rampage pounding a wimp. Ok, yeah I did.

Anyway…

Vinny and Ronnie have a bro hug and they tell each other they love each other. AWKWERD!!!!!!!

Ron breaks it off with Sam and admits to calling a girl from Italy. Sam flips out. It looks Ron is packing his shit and is going home. Vinny tells him to sleep it off and relax. Ron sat around and thought about it and then decided not to leave. Paycheck for doing nothing must be hard to walk away from.

Vinny gets home and reports that Mike’s gonna be ok. Then Mike gets home. “Head trauma, a little sprain, a little this, a little that.” He’s wearing a neck brace. Ron tries to make amends. Mike acknowledges the conflict is unresolved and can pop at any moment.

Ronnie spends a day by himself, starting with the gym. Gotta fuel those roids.

Nicole and Jen get flowers from their boyfriends.

The guys find Ronnie out on his day alone. They totally crash his party and make him talk about Sam.

Snooki talks to Gianni on the phone. He’s totally a prude with the sexy talk. Snooki is totally into it, and he stops it as soon as it starts. Who does that?

Mike is upset that nobody is checking on him and cries like a baby about it. He starts hugging a blanket. I kid you not. Concussions are bad, folks.

Out of nowhere, Ron starts throwing away the things that he bought for Sam. Turns out she put them on his bed. No way you’re telling me he’s wrong on this one. What an idiot! (her)

They’re going out to a club. Well, everyone but Mike. Mike jokes with Ron and tells him that hitting his head on the wall was a scare tactic that backfired.

Actually, wait, the girls go out to dinner on their own. The place they eat at looks insane.

The guys go out on their own. No Mike, of course. They go to an actual club, not dinner. It looks really stupid. Ron is really wasted. They’re picking up girls left and right. Out of nowhere, some guy keeps saying “Che cosa?” to Pauly. I think it means “WTF?” Pauly challenges this dude in the club. The guy keeps reminding him, “you’re on the streets of Florence!” Pauly stands down like a little punk.

Snooki and Mike talk and are really close. REALLY close. These two are gonna hook up.

The guys at the club are trying to get Ron to hook up with this girl. She’s really hot for him. Ohh…ohh I think he’s bringing her home. Whoa, guess not. He walks out of the club and actually buys flowers for Sam on the way. When she gets the flowers, she asks him if he brought home another girl. Okay…

He sees she’s ungrateful and tells her straight out to screw off. He takes the flowers back and throws them away.

And that’s how the episode ends.

The episode that looked like the greatest thing ever to happen to the Jersey Shore ends like that.

Shit.

Episode rating – 1.5/5