derryX takes over Jersey Shore Season 4 – Ep 3

We pick up exactly where we left off. Mike called a girl and had her come to the house. But we’re back to letterboxed widescreen on the HD channel. That’s annoying. I guess I’m zooming in to watch this one a little blurry.

Ronnie and Snooki go out looking for something. They can’t read a map. They just sit down at a restaurant on the street. They have a heart to heart about whether Ron wants to get back with Sam. Snooki thinks he should take Sam out to dinner. This is not surprising.

Deena and Sam go out to eat and you know it’s going to go the same way. Except…they hit on the waiters for a love affair for Deena. They got digits.

Vinny and Paulie are playing foosball on the smallest table ever invented. Seriously, it’s smaller than a cereal box.

They go to a lame looking club. Ronnie is the life of the party, and Snooki notices this. Sam seriously lays it on Ron. Ron defers the conversation until the following afternoon. It seems like he’s in control of his feelings.

Paulie coins the phrase “Twinning” because he is trying to pick up twins and he is winning like Sheen.

Deena brings a guy home.

Mike makes Snooki hang up with her dad to call the girl that came over. He also tries to mack it to Snooki, who isn’t having it.

Deena is getting it in with a dude, and Vinny and Paulie break up the fun by ridiculing her. Deena gets pissed. Really pissed. The Italian dude has no idea what’s going on. “I going go home.” She talks him out of it, but editing makes it loo like he did.

Mike’s girl, Britney keeps calling, and both Pauile and Ronnie hang up on her and call her a stalker. She calls back, and Ronnie does his best Mike impersonation, which is pretty bad, and tells Britney to bring her sister to the house. She falls for it.

Mike is a mess, and the two girls walk in. He is actually moisturizing his face. You gotta do that, you know. You should see the dumb look on this guy’s face. He has no idea what’s going on.

Mike gets dressed in the worst outfit ever conceived and takes them out to breakfast.

Ron and Sam go out to dinner on a roof. It’s kind of romantic, and he has a really dumb haircut. Sam tells him she’s never going to hurt him. Ron agrees to give it a shot again in Italy. And Jersey Shore Season 4 HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!! They think things are going to be different, but we all know what’s going to happen, and it’s gonna be boring.

There’s that stupid foosball table again. It is this. I really want a knock hockey table like we had in elementary school.

They go to the club yet again. These twin girls seem like trouble. They’re parting like crazy. Even Snooki tries to set up the threesome with these twins and Mike. One of the girls says she’s a virgin. Mike really still thinks it’s gonna happen. Deena pulls one of these twins away and starts sucking on her face. YEAAAAAAAAAAA BUDDY!!!

I’m really tired. I wish this show was on earlier. It is 10:37 PM.

Deena brings the girl home and admits to being bi-curious.

Ronnie spills the beans on the Mike/Snooki smoosh. Jen and Sam were there. Ronnie justifies this by reminding everyone that Mike threw guy code out the window in Jersey and in Miami.

The girl Deena was making out with somehow wound up in Vinny’s bed with Vinny’s brasciole. Deena gets pissed, and steals her back. This is literally like a porno.

Jen tells Snooki that Ronnie blabbed the Mike/Snooki smoosh. I guess the big deal is that Mike is going around saying she cheated on Gianni to sleep with him.

I’m calling it now. This is going to be the best episode of the season, and we have 14 minutes left.

Mike is wearing an Abercrombie jumpsuit. Snooki flips out on Mike, not for wearing the jumpsuit.

Deena is still making out with this girl, but she gives her up, and the girl just jumps into Vinny’s bed, willy nilly. Mangia braciole time!

Ronnie convinces Snooki that the best way to deal with the situation (pun intended) is to tell Gianni exactly what happened with her and Mike. At that point, she stopped denying that anything happened.

Mike approaches Ronnie about snitching. The girl Mike was hanging out with starts stumbling all over the place, and Ronnie wants her out.

Snooki thinks she’s going to lose Gianni over this, and keeps saying “I’m not gonna lose Gianni over this!”

The episode ends with a video montage of all of the cast laying in bed. The last shot is of Mike and the girl he’s been hanging out with changing sexual positions.

Episode Rating – 4.5/5

OHH SHIT!!! Preview for next week looks like the one where Ronnie lays Mike out. I can’t wait!!!