derryX takes over Jersey Shore Season 4 – Ep 12

This is it! The Jersey Shore Season 4 finale. They’re about to say “Ciao!” to Italy.

Mike starts out acting weird. He’s practicing karate in the air. He goes to creep on Snooki. She ignores the hell out of it.

The kids get in from a night out, and Ron wakes Mike up from sleeping; he physically pulls him out of bed. He tells him he’s gonna put everything on the table. Ron tries telling Mike to either fix his problems or “he’s gotta go, dog.” (Ron actually said that) None of this registers to Mike, who Ron says is acting like Angelina. OHHHHHHHH

Vinny, Pauly, and Sam go to their last day at work in the pizzeria. I don’t think we’ve seen that pizzeria since the 3rd or 4th episode (I’m not going to check). They seem to just be having a good time. Not exactly what I’d call work.

Sam and Ron walk across the living room from their room to the smoosh room, and everybody knows what’s going on. Vinny says the walk of shame was five minutes later.

Mike calls his sister and tells her he’s not going back to Jersey. She tries to talk him out of that, but he totally reasons her into believing it. The house is convinced he is doing this to get attention. So am I.

The kids get ready to go out. Jen sits it out because she partied too hard the previous night. They’re going some place new. The girls hated it. “It’s like a basement frat party.” The guys also hate it. “It’s not poppin’.” Mike loves it.

The meatballs roll into a different club and some girl starts dancing around them. She grinds all over Deena’s clutch. You know what I mean. It was pretty gross. The guys get there, and that drunk girl jacks Vinny and keeps yelling “DTF!!!”

The pizzeria owner asked all of the kids to bring in a personal item of clothing to hang in the restaurant. Deena brings underwear, and Ronnie doesn’t believe she even wears underwear. They hang this filthy stuff on a clothes hanger in the restaurant, and they all say their goodbyes.

They have a nice Sunday dinner (I don’t know what day it really is). And the girls clean up, which I guess is new, because Vinny says that seeing that is like seeing Mike with a condom. Vinny calls some company to get some kind of tour around Florence.

Mike and Snooki talk outside about his decision to not go to Jersey. Snooki doesn’t care. Me either.

They go for this tour, which it turns out is a multi-hour walking tour through Florence. None of these kids seem to care. The guide explains a fake David statue as if it were the real thing. Silly guide. Mike just sits down in the middle of the street. The tour wraps up, and the kids continue to sight see.

They sit down for drinks, milkshakes, and drinks and reminisce over their Italian experience. Mike says, “I’m sorry,” and gives the girls roses.

They go out to a club the night before they leave Italy. Mike starts messing with little kids. He’s totally aggressive for no reason. Nothing happens with this and they all go back to the apartment.

Ron and Sam are smooshing, again.

They sit around the table and reminisce again. Mike changes him mind about going back to Jersey. They toast to everyone going back to Jersey, and then start to pack. They shoot the luggages down a line of mattresses lined up down the staircase and even take turns sliding down their fun contraption.

Episode rating – 1/5 (pretty terrible – no reason to watch this episode)

Coming soon. Jersey Shore reunion review! (It’s taping now, so it’ll be some time next week.