So if you followed along closely yesterday on twitter and facebook, you know that the site (and everything on the server hosting the site, i.e. other sites) was attacked by Russian hackers. From what I understand, it was an aggressive attack, and the way they got in was pretty ridiculous and something that nobody could have predicted. MetalFrog worked hard fighting the attack, so we need to thank him.

Anyway, I was going to stop doing these, and I announced the discontinuation last night. I received a shocking number of emails and facebook messages showing support and even some offers from friends to help mitigate the attack. Wow! It was all unexpected, and it all of this means so much to me. It’s really nice to hear that the little things I do mean something to somebody out there, and that people are there for support and to help. One thing was clear: people wanted the “recraps” once things were figured out. That message was heard, loud and clear!

Hopefully, the coast is clear, and we’re back in business!

So let’s get back to the CRAP!!

Deena is still drunk and telling people that they doesn’t know how she feels. She should just tell them how she feels, and that’s what they’re saying. Vinny takes Deena outside and she has a panting panic attack. Meanwhile, everyone else inside makes fun of her.

Deena’s mom calls and talks to Ronnie. Ronnie tells her everything is under control, but she decides to go there anyway.

Everyone goes out to Karma, and Deena’s parents arrive at the house. They bring her a chicken wrap and cheesecake for the rest of the crew. Her mom lectures her on why it’s not appropriate to drink during the day. She tells Deena that she needs to go to a psychologist because she keeps wanting to have these “meatball days.” Seriously, the idea of a meatball day the way it’s portrayed on the show is dumb. For me, meatball day would be consumption of meatball parm subs seven times a day. I feel gross already!

Mike’s at the club grabbing girls’ butts and flirting with girls. The guys call him “sneaky dickens.” And I’m going to Urban Dictionary. No entry for this term, they’re making it up.

Vinny takes a girl home, and, although she was DTF at the club, back at the house, well, she’s not.

The guys are getting things set up for an outdoor picnic. They’re eating hot dogs and making the painfully obvious jokes about doing so. I’m not repeating those here; we’re not in fourth grade, guys. At the table, there’s a consensus that Mike shouldn’t be grinding on girls at the club if he has a girlfriend. I’m sure this guy isn’t that dumb, he’s just trying to be sly.

After dinner, they’re sitting around, Sam tells Deena her drama is annoying. Sam, the girl who has been picking fights with a neanderthal for the last three years, tells Deena she’s annoying. Yeah… Well, Deena basically tells her, “tough noogies.” The conversation continues once everyone else clears out. Sam tries to explain to Deena that Deena’s problem is that she’s not dealing well with not being near her boyfriend, ohh and that she’s an only child. Deena doesn’t take well to this, naturally. I’m sure this will either come up again or go nowhere. I can never tell.

Jen is working at the t-shirt shop and she doesn’t want to be there. Danny challenges her to sell a box of fifty shot glasses and that she can go early if she does. And, by God, she does! It’s edited in a way that there’s no way to tell how long it took for this to happen. For all we know, it took five days to sell all of those.

Have I ever complained about how annoying it is that this thing is broadcast with annoying letterbox all around the image on the HD channel? Four more episodes left. C’mon, MTV. At least air the finale in HD.

On the way back, Jen, Snooki, and Sam walk past an arcade, and one of the machines with stuffed animals is open. Snooki steals a leopard. They make a big deal out of it, as if we’re that dumb and don’t realize MTV probably staged this “theft.”

Back at the house, Mike and Paula meet up with Deena and Chris, and they go out for dinner on a double date. Paula is looking pretty fly. What? She is! At the dinner, Paula is being cute and talking about Mike’s idiosyncrasies, and Mike is getting annoyed. The girls go to the bathroom or something, and Mike tells Chris that he likes seeing Paula for 15 seconds at the tanning salon, but that he’s uncomfortable being with her for a long time. This guy doesn’t realize what’s involved with having a girlfriend. Who can blame him though? Can you imagine what it is to be the ugliest man in history with abs and being able to land pretty much every piece of shore trash every day? Yeah, me neither.

They’re riding on a roller coaster, and Paula starts making the shocker gesture. If you don’t know what it is, google it or something. Mike gets uncomfortable with this. It’s ok. She explains. She’s not into that. Snooki is. Quote: “sometimes it’s nice to have the shocker.” I wish I made this stuff up.

Most of the kids go out to Aztec. Sam, Ron, and Snooki stay back and feel the need to talk about how rude Mike is to Paula.

At the club, Mike ditches Paula and goes and hangs out with Vinny and Pauly. M…Veeeeee…PEEEEEEEEE!

The girls are dancing and some crazy old lady starts dancing with them. Deena teaches the woman how to “Jersey Turnpike” and the woman turns it into a headstand with a spin on her head. Ok. First, Russian Hackers, now this? What the hell is going on today!?

Everyone is back at home, and the first thing that comes up is how Paula is wearing ass pads. They’re these silicon things that give girls some extra spring in the fanny area kind of like a push-up bra, but for ass cheeks. Paula starts explaining sexual stuff, and it makes everyone laugh and uncomfortable at the same time. Mike gets annoyed that she’s becoming one of the boys. Mike and Paula go upstairs, and the rest of the crew agree that Mike can’t stand her and that their relationship isn’t going to last.

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Episode rating – 2/5

Again, thanks everyone for the support. Hopefully, the hackers leave us alone.

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