I definitely need my espresso to get through this one. It’s been a long week.

I did an awesome job with this cup of coffee. Best I’ve had in a while!

So let’s get on with it.

Deena’s been arrested for being drunk. Ronnie keeps repeating that she’s “going in a drunk tank.” He says, “everyone goes to the drunk tank,” and suggests to go back out and go drinking rather than see how she’s doing. His rationale is “when in Rome, keep roaming.”

Mike talks about how he’s thinking about asking Paula out. The guys go visit her at the tanning salon. Apparently, she works there. They set up a dinner date. He plans on asking her out in a special way. Ohh I gotta see this. There’s no way this will be good.

The dudes go shopping at a sporting goods store. They just start playing with everything there. Nobody knows what they’re there for. Mike starts carting around a crazy expensive stroller. Everyone jokes about him buying it for Snooki.

Ron and Sam get back to the house and tell Snooki and Jen that they all gotta go pick up Deena from the drunk tank. Snooki drives everyone to the drunk tank in her awesome Escalade. Deena’s parents are already there when the kids get to the jail. They don’t seem pissed at all. Ron is pissed that she called her parents and not her roommates; this was the guy who just thought to keep on drinking when she got arrested. Her parents are nice and console her and then lecture her. “There’s no reason to be this drunk, not in the afternoon” is what her mom says, and her dad shakes his head and says, “not in the afternoon” to echo her. So apparently, there’s a time of the day when there is a reason. Ok, I hope this topic is done.

It’s not.

Everyone’s in the house and they all congratulate her for finally getting arrested. Then they cook “a serious dinner.” Snooki gets hot and pads her bra with two square packages of frozen broccoli. Mike tries to get Snooki’s attention to go up the stairs so he can give her the crazy stroller he bought. Snooki doesn’t go because she doesn’t want anything to do with Mike and because the broccoli will fall out. He gets insulted. Ron takes Snooki up there to show her there’s actually a gift, and she’s amazed but she’s not forgiving Mike. Recall, this was the situation where he went around saying she performed sexual favors on him, and she was upset that he was telling everyone. (I hope I worded that so you can see my opinion on it.)

They all sit down for dinner. Deena still hasn’t showered, and she looks gross. Mike lets everyone know that he’s going to make it official with Paula. After dinner, Pauly and Ron are on the roof playing long distance beer pong. All of a sudden, the flasher, Morgan, is calling for Pauly and starts to show off her boobs while making ridiculous faces.

Inside, Sam probes Jen about Roger. He kicked her ass and slammed her to the ground in last week’s episode, and now he’s ignoring her. She thinks he’s packing up and moving away.

Jen and Snooki hop in the car so Jen can get x-rays. Snooki is still happy that Jen is injured. They stop at a wheelchair shop and test out some motorized vehicles. This show is usually disgusting, but this is really revolting and disrespectful of the physically impaired. PREGNANCY IS NOT A HANDICAP!!!

Mike is working at the t-shirt with Deena and Pauly. His special way to ask out Paula is to make a special tank top that says, “Let’s make it official.” This is so damn lame. Wait. Danny takes the shirt behind Mike’s back and prints “I like men” on the back. This is so damn awesome. Mike catches it and gets pissed, and makes another one.

Jen is getting checked out by an orthopedist. He determines that she doesn’t have anything broken. Jen is pissed because she just bought a wheelchair and because she likes being dramatic. Maybe that’s why Roger wants nothing to do with her right now.

Mike’s out with Paula and he has the big plan. Just a few tables down are the rest of the cast having dinner. In the middle of a conversation, he starts awkwardly unbuttoning his shirt to reveal the stupidity, and she blushes like crazy. [commercial] She loves it and she gets up to hug him and accept. The rest of the crew applauds. Her nails are really dumb. She freaks him out by starting to plan their home, getting a puppy, and lots of other silly stuff like weddings and children. Just kidding. Weddings are cool.

Back at the house, Mike and Paula make it official if you know what I mean.

I just ordered Steven Segal’s Hard to Kill on blu ray.

Jen calls Roger. It goes to voicemail. She leaves a nice message.

Mike’s boxing trainer shows up at the house, and Mike shares all of the gory details about being official with Paula. Then they go up to the roof, and Mike trains like an animal.

Jen divulges to the girls that she thinks Roger is leaving her. She breaks down, and the guys even come in to console her. Ron and Sam start giving her advice and rehash how Sam punched Ron in the face and how he trashed her room, you know, to make things better. Because right now, we all need to relive Ron and Sam drama.

Jen calls Roger, and he picks up. He’s really angry and accuses her of being too busy looking for attention. He explains that she had him by the throat and threw a drink in his face. He defends his actions and says she shouldn’t try controlling him while he’s helping his boys. His conclusion is that she needs to do her thing, and he needs to stay away from that thing. The episode ends with her crying and asking, “is this it?”

Man, these episodes end just like issues of The Walking Dead! Again, just kidding.

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Episode rating – 1.5/5

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