I’m up early for an all new episode. I could have watched live, but I got in late from AOA’s Farm to Table Dinner at Creo, and I really wanted to go to bed.
The name of this episode is “Merp Walk.” Yeah…
We start with the fight at the club. It’s totally bedlam. Roger’s apparently beating up bouncers. Jen gets in his way, and throws a drink in his face, and he appears to grab her throat and slam her into the ground. She keeps asking him, “who are you, bro?” Roid rage. Roger is still raging as they walk home, and Jen keeps picking a fight with him. These people are drunk.
Jen is explaining the situation to Deena in a cab, and she’s tells her that Roger was ready to swing at her, and that the bouncers saved her. When everyone gets back, Deena follows up with, “Bamboo sucks!”
Ronnie decides to call Roger to check up on him. Roger’s pissed because he thinks Jen is trying to control him by stopping him from fighting. I’ve seen lots of dumb situations on Jersey Shore, but this one takes the cake.
Jen explains what happened to Snooki, who wasn’t there. She’s in total disbelief. I’m telling you; it was a roid rage. Snooki convinced Jen to go to the doctor for her ankle that’s killing her.
Ron and Sam go to the gym, and all they can do is talk about the altercation. Ron sides with Roger and says that Jen shouldn’t have been in the middle of the fight. “When you get hit by a dude…you’re done.” Take it from him.
The doctor prescribes an x-ray for Jen’s ankle. At the doctor’s office, Snooki finds the measuring stick and has the doctors measure her height. She gets pissed because she’s 4’8″, supposedly she’s been 4’9″ her whole life. Anyway…Jen has a fractured ankle, needs to walk on crutches, and might need to get surgery. Snooki is ecstatic because now Jen might be trapped in a house like her. They’re afraid everyone at home is going to think Jen is over exaggerating. And that’s what happens when you’re dramatic all the time.
The four shore house guys are sitting down for lunch and talk about the fight like it’s Sex and the City. They think she’s over exaggerating, and they haven’t even heard about the fracture.
Jen is being super dramatic. “Everything I do as a human being has come to an end.” Imagine if she had a legit debilitating injury (and I don’t wish that on anyone).
The guys get home, and none of them believe she has a fracture. They’re making fun of her. Vinny does a pretty awesome impression of her being dramatic.
Jen is asking Deena and Snooki what they’d do about Roger. They both say she needs to talk to him. I’m sure that’s not a good idea.
Everyone gets ready to go out to Karma. Everyone including the girl with a “broken” ankle, Jen. Snooki goes to, just to “be disabled together” with Jen. Vinny’s misfit family shows up, and it’s a party!
Vinny’s uncle Nino talks to a very drunk Jen, and she sits on his lap. This is gross.
Mike has girls climbing all over him, and Jen totally c*ckblocks him by telling the girls he has a girlfriend. He seems to get really pissed about this. A seriously drunk person comes up to Mike and wants to hug him. Mike’s getting uneasy because some guy seems to be tempting him with alcohol.
Back at home, Mike calls Paula. Everyone else gets home, and the party continues. Deena and Ron keep drinking. Deena pops the big ball she won earlier, and she tries to climb inside of it.
It’s 5am, and Paula shows up. She climbs into bed with Mike. Sexy time. Then she just gets up and leaves.
Deena rolls out of bed and heads out to the boardwalk to drink. She meets some jobbers at a restaurant and she does shots with them. It’s ridiculous how pathetic she is.
Mike gets a special delivery at the house. It’s a box of chocolate covered fruit. He’s finally contemplating taking Paula on a legit date after this. The guys think hell has frozen over.
Meatball day continues, and Deena is dancing on the bar. There’s a whole crowd around her. She starts to cry, and the pathetic jobbers are over sympathetic to her. She’s really drunk, though. As she’s walking the boardwalk, she steals another one of those stupid balls from a guy running one of those dumb games.
Snooki shows up at the house. Jen talks about how she fell on her ass and that she thinks she “broke her asshole.”
Deena rolls the ball down to the t-shirt shop. Danny realizes she’s ridiculously drunk and laughs at her for falling all over the place. The kid working in the shop takes Deena out for more drinks.
Deena apparently woke Sam and Ron up to celebrate, but ditched them. They go out and run into her. Then Ron starts running away from her like a maniac. She walks away right into traffic, drunk as a skunk. (I never understood that expression…). She dances and runs into the street, and cops take her and cuff her. They take her in. Even Ron and Sam can’t save her.
Episode Rating – 2/5