I’m juiced up on espresso and ready to tackle these kids. After tonight, there’s one more to do, and I’ll tell you right now, I have a bunch of surprises lined up. [Loyal readers who have been following our recaps from the very beginning will see some major questions answered. That’s all I’ll say for now.]
Jen calls Roger, and he bitches her out for telling Gianni he’s never around for Snooki. She hangs up and takes this matter up with all of the other guys. She then calls Gianni directly. He sets the record straight, and she just wants him to let it go. Honestly, guys, I don’t think this is even worth going into further.
Mike admits to working as a male dancer/stripper. The rest of the house tries to get him to hook it up. Instead, Vinny does, and it looks ridiculous.
They go out to Karma and, of course, Paula’s there, of course. They focus on how Mike doesn’t want anything to do with her and how she’s dressed really provocatively to impress him. Some woman comes up to Mike and starts seriously seducing him on the dance floor. It pisses Paula off to no end, and she gets right in the middle of this awesome time and tells Mike, “don’t talk to me,” and she rushes away. Mike chases her and makes it cool. When Paula goes to the other side of the club, Mike picks up a different girl. This one has her boobs hanging out and bouncing around. He’s tries to sneak out of the club with her to avoid Paula, but Paula catches him. Paula decides to just leave, and the rest of the crew heads home. On the way home, this DTF girl who is with Mike falls on her face, and the shirt loses everything it was holding.
Pauly brings a girl in and literally immediately gets her into bed, bangs her, and sends her home. It’s very possible that there were no edits to that scene. It lasted a maximum of 45 seconds from the time they entered the door to the time she was out the door.
Snooki and Deena go out for a Meatball Day. That entails having tryouts and awarding prizes to the winners. They go to the junky party store, and then head home to plan the events in the contest. They include things like doing four shots of Southern Comfort in a row and not throwing up. I forget the rest. They head to EJ’s and get some jobbers to “try out.” The jobbers play along, and even go out onto the boardwalk and terrorize other people and slip around like idiots. They crown three winners and coat them in buckets of silly string. Snooki leaves Deena with those jobbers and probably goes to sleep.
Sam and Ron play mini golf (do you see how far they’re reaching with this show?).
Deena and the jobbers are hanging out. Even more jobbers join the job squad. Deena brings them all back to the house. The crew makes fun of one of the girls because she has a Scottish accent. She hits on Vinny and Pauly pretty hard, but they resist because she’s definitely atomic bomb status.
They all go to the club, and the new jobber meatballs check out early. Mike’s finding it necessary to spin around to shake off grenades and landmines. Everyone goes home because Deena is dangerously drunk. Everyone is walking in with doggie bags, so they must have stopped for food and not told us. Mike walks Deena into bed, and she says, “thank you, Jay.” Wow!
The next day, Vinny suggests doing a bonfire on the beach as a part to go out on this Jersey Shore fame trip they’re on.
Sam starts cooking for the last Sunday dinner in the house. They try to open a bottle of wine with the easy opener, and neither Snooki, Sam, nor Deena can figure it out. Dinner goes off without a hitch, and the only thing that comes out of it is that Mike unwillingly agrees to do some male stripping. The guys think it’s funny because Mike is the worst dancer ever. Allegedly.
Vinny and Pauly help Mike plan out a character and routine. His alias is “Vito Dorato.” He explained where it came from, but I didn’t care. I think he lived on a street called Dorato or something. It doesn’t matter.
Downstairs, the rest of the crew pass out fake hundreds and get the place set up. They handcuff Jen to a chair, and bring the lights down. Mike comes out with a shower robe. Pauly introduces Vito Dorato and is DJing the thing with his laptop. There’s smoke, and bubbles, and the crew are swinging around flashlights to simulate the annoying strobe lights that you might find at a strip club or other goth-rave-type activity.
Mike’s dancing for Jen, and he starts ripping his clothes off. Everyone loves it. He picks up Jen and flips her around and Ron tells him to watch out for Jen’s camel toe.
Episode rating – 1.5/5