We start with espresso. Well, I do, at least.
Then Gianni tells Vinny that his issue is that he doesn’t like when Vinny makes jokes about being the baby’s father. That’s a legit point; what kind of animal does that?
Now that that’s out of the way, at the shower, they have a baby bottle sucking contest. Ron wins, and everyone thinks he cheated. Someone might need to explain how you can cheat at sucking liquid out of a bottle while everyone is watching. Snooki opens gifts, and there are baby clothes, but, more importantly, there are three bottles of wine and a bottle of Cristal that she doesn’t seem to understand. Everyone is laughing and is having a good time except that Snooki won’t even look at Mike, and he’s trying really hard.
Back at the house, Vinny is putting the clippers to Pauly’s hair while Mike is having flashbacks to his blowout with Snooki. No. Really. We can see the flashbacks, just like a movie!
Mike can’t take the visions any more, so he charges downstairs and walks over to Snooki’s house. Mike tells her he’s sorry for the way things went down. Snooki tells him that it sucks the way he made she and Gianni look, and he seems to understand. He starts grovelling, and she doesn’t budge until there is a long, dramatic pause. Then everything is cool again. (Seriously, what did you think was going to happen?) They high five to seal the deal.
Back in the house, Sam comes up with the idea to lock the guys out on the deck. She checks on them, and it immediately becomes obvious to Pauly that the girls are going to prank them. The guys contemplate jumping down to the next floor. They start throwing couch cushions over the edge, and the girls start to panic that they’re going to jump. The girls buckle and unlock the door so the guys didn’t jump. It was actually funny how dumb they were for giving in. You know Vinny and Pauly are going to get them back for that.
Vinny takes cough medicine, and the other guys go to the tanning salon. Paula is looking fine. It’s a little awkward, especially when Pauly keeps saying AWKWARD like Dan Forden said “TOASTY!” in the Mortal Kombat games. Paula gives Mike a handwritten note that Mike hands right over to Vinny because he can’t read. It’s basically a 10th grade love letter, and it makes Mike consider bumping her to booty call status.
Deena’s (remember her?) boyfriend shows up, and most of the kids go to Astec. Jen, Snooki, and Vinny stick back at home. Snooki and Vinny ride motorized scooters around on the boardwalk. Paula’s at the club, and she’s all over Mike. She even wants him to hold her drinks, which is bad since he just finished rehab. He scolds her for it, and she storms off. Then she comes back and said she let someone else hold her drink. All of a sudden, Snooki and Vinny ride into the club on the scooters. Everyone starts grinding on the scooters like it’s some sort of porno. They just turn around and go home. On the way back, some kid calls Snooki a “fat f*ck,” and Vinny stops to defend her honor. When they get home, Vinny and Snooki fist-pound into an explosion and everything is cool.
Back at the club, Mike’s talking to a girl, and Paula is giving Mike the evil ex-girlfriend stare. Then, she walks up to this chick talking to Mike and tells her she’s cute, but in a really psychotic way. Then she leaves.
Snooki and Gianni go to see the sonogram of her baby. And they’re showing all the gory details. The rest of the girls from the house are there. They’re trying to act like it’s cute and trying to make some fun of the situation. Things like making fun of the size of the fetus’s penis, pointing out that it’s giving the middle finger, crude childish things that make us all laugh. In front of everyone, Jen confronts Gianni about not coming around enough. He gets a little pissed about this.
Pauly and Vinny are going to dinner, and Pauly wants to invite Gianni to get to know him. All of the guys go out, while the girls stay back and have a girls night. Some woman shows up at the house; she’s a psychic lady that’s supposed to bless the house. Deena gets legit freaked out. The woman walks around and tries to get the vibes from the house. Apparently, there’s a poltergeist right around Deena’s bed. Perfect! As it turns out, this whole thing is meant to be a prank on Deena.
The guys arrive at a cigar shop, and Gianni is there waiting. They all grab cigars and smoke away. The guys give him the 5th degree. They find out what he does; he runs an ATM business. He owns ATMs. He tells all the guys how he really feels about them, and it’s pretty cool…until…they point out that he’s not around enough. His defense is that he lives 90 minutes away and has work to do. They think it’s a weak argument, but are cool with it when he invites them to his bachelor party.
Episode rating – 0.5/5 (A whole lot of nothin’ happened in this episode.)
It turns out there are two more episodes. Will next week’s episode, the penultimate, be the first 0/5 rating? Come back next week to find out!