XLERATOR! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The gym would be great if it weren’t for the locker room.

So here’s a story.

One day, I’m finishing up my daily 45 minute workout, and I head into the locker room to clean up and change. If I can avoid it, I don’t talk to or look at anyone. I try to be a fly on the wall, get in, and get out. Mens’ locker rooms are gross places; not that they’re particularly uncleanly, the people are just way too liberal with flopping their junk around.

Anyway, I’m getting dressed, and there’s a guy on the other side of a division who visits a urinal and then proceeds to wash his hands. Everything to that point was incidental; people use the bathroom and wash their hands all the time. It was completely unremarkable except for what happened afterward.

All of a sudden, I hear the water stop, the Xlerator hand drying system activate, and a man screaming at the top of his lungs.

“AHHHHHHH”

“AAAAAHHHH”

“MAAHHHHHH”

So another dude in the locker room and I run around the division to make sure this guy is alright. He’s still screaming by the time we get there, mind you.

What we see is just a guy drying his hands, and when the air flow stops, he says to us, “why do these have to be so strong?”

Now, I’ll be the first to agree that the power in those things is a little ridiculous, and if you’ve ever used the ones that direct to the ground instead of to a counter, all those really accomplish is taking water from your hands and getting it onto your shoes and pants.

I totally get it.

But did this old dude really need to scream as if someone had just clubbed him in the kneecaps?

I really should just mind my own business from now on and not be concerned about other people, especially in gym locker rooms.


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8 thoughts on “XLERATOR! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  • anthony

    Like the story of “the little boy who cried wolf!” People are so oblivious to the world beyond feeding their own ego-centricity, self-aggrandizement, narcissism, that behaving in such an ill-mannered and disrespectful way as a form of self-entertainment that GOOD people like you begin to think I should mind my own business. Just like my scenario or should I say the latest of many in my life where I helped someone out and then get screwed. Thus the adage, “no good deed goes unpunished!”


  • anthony

    can we expect that more of the good folks will become even more impatient with the others in society? What happens if we go down that road? We’ve become desensitized and apathetic. Consumed with our own self worth and needs. On this last point I too have sinned. Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa. I think we are so far down the path of self-destruction that it will require a concerted effort on the part of the masses to reverse it or more likely the Resurrection of the Lord.


  • Valerae

    So was he one of the guys with his junk flopping around? Cause if I was a dude and I had junk I’d probably scream if it got caught in that blow dryer.


    • derryX

      Haha that would be a neat trick. This XLerator was about 5 feet high.

      Also, I try not to pay attention to which old dudes are the offenders if I can.


  • -R.

    God only knows how he would have wailed had he experienced the Dyson AirBlade hand dryer. Yowza!!


  • Scott C.

    Anyone have the over/under for when those dryers start displaying scratched-in instructions to “wipe hands on pants”?


  • Keith

    I’ve always been taken aback by how strong these devices appear, but how poorly they divert the water from my hands.

    I usually scream at the top of my lungs, but not because they’re too powerful, because they fucking suck at doing their job. Give me a single paper towel over one of those things any day.



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